Creating unshakable confidence
You’ve probably heard the motto before: “Self-confidence is key.” That’s because, yes, it truly is. When your foundational confidence is switched on, you can start pursuing whatever your heart desires, handle life's challenges with grace, and express yourself fully.
But there’s a difference between building unshakable confidence and just feeling confident. It’s easy to feel confident when your hair is perfect, you’re dressed to the nines, work is going well, and you’re making money. But what happens when you face rejection, fail, make a mistake, or have a bad hair day? Low self-esteem during tough times is the norm for many. This is where the word unshakable comes in, helping you change those negative thoughts.
My Framework for Building Unshakable Confidence & Self-Esteem
(Key word being building—you're rewiring your brain to default to confidence, so it’s going to take lots of practice.)
1. Developing Self-Awareness
This goes beyond knowing your love language or values. It’s about understanding your subconscious patterns, beliefs, mindset, and conditioning. Once you know better, you can be better. Self-awareness provides context for your past behaviors and allows you to feel confident knowing that you’re growing and evolving.
2. Embracing Discomfort and Fear
Our brains are wired to keep us safe and take the path of least resistance. So when you set a new goal, seek change, or step out of your comfort zone, you’ll naturally feel fear and discomfort. But this is when you must choose to feel the fear and do it anyway, resisting the urge to give up or make excuses.
3. Trusting Yourself and Life
Start trusting yourself and life to reduce anxiety. Adopt this core belief: everything is happening for you, and whatever is in front of you is meant to be there. Even when life feels tough, anchoring into this belief helps. Discipline and self-trust look different for everyone. Once you develop self-awareness and confidence, you can be intentional with your words—only committing to what you’ll actually do—and trust yourself to follow through without giving in to instant gratification. Use discernment when deciding if something is truly worth it for your future self.
4. Cultivating Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence means feeling your emotions without spiraling into a mental breakdown. Know how to move through your emotions with more ease and grace. Hot tip: when you feel something, name it to tame it. Then follow the 4 P’s process:
Pause: “I’m noticing I’m feeling X.”
Presence: “I am here in this moment feeling X.”
Permission: “It is safe to feel X.”
Process: “I’m giving myself permission to feel X.”
5. Being in Your Body, Not Just Your Mind
Self-responsibility means recognizing that it’s not the problem itself, but your reaction to it that matters. When you start to live more in your body and less in your mind, your reactions align with your highest self, maintaining a foundational level of calmness. Composure is closely linked with confidence.
What Might Be Blocking Your Unshakable Confidence?
Comparison
Overthinking/spiraling
Inability to let go of control and be present
Speaking unkindly to yourself
Negative “what if’s” (e.g., failure, rejection, it doesn’t happen for me)
How to Cultivate Unshakable Confidence
1. Give Your Most Confident Self a Name Describe her. How does she show up? What’s her energy like? How does she speak to herself? How does she make others feel?
2. What Does She Want You to Know Right Now?
3. What Do You Need to Let Go of to Step More Into Her?
Now, consult her as much as possible throughout the day. When you start to feel rattled, spiraling, or doubting yourself, ask her: What does she need you to know and do? This practice helps rewire your brain to naturally default to confidence.